fight fight fight

so, i was involved in a fight tonight.well, not a real fight. as close as ill ever get though!

see, what happened is this. one of my best friends had a boyfriend for three years. then, this morning, he rang her hysterically crying. wat happened? well, last night (friday night) he got ridiculously drunk, doesnt remember anything, and wakes up in the morning because his friends ring saying he kissed this girl, lets call her ally. so he rings my friend (jenna) devastated because he has cheated on her while smashed. she, obviously, is hysterical and upset, and they break up today as a result. she rings her ex-bf friends who saw the whole thing, who tell her that ally was followng the bf round the whole night, followed him outside when he went to the toilet and then they kissed.

so tonight, being my other friends 21st, which me and jenna are at, we are drinking and drinking etc, with some other friends, she tells us and we are suitable annoyed and upset. as the drinking goes on, we get angrier and angrier at this ally chick. 

i must note- the ex bf is not in the right in any way. he also, is a dick. he broke her heart and therefore we dont heart him. but she dumped him as a result. i mean, what else can she do to him? she already broke his heart and he feels like a tiny spot on the face of a shoe. so we leave him for the time being and focus on the scarlet woman.

from my friends 21st we proceed to a housewarming of another friend. will ally be there? maybe. 

we get to the housewarming, she isnt there. so we hang round, forget it.

suddenly, after about an hour, ally rocks up. WHAT THE F U C K. we all say. how DARE she come here, after wat happened!

jenna and i immediatly go out to where she is. jenna abuses her and tells her to get out,and that she knew her bf had a gf and how much of a bitch etc etc other words i wont mention. i also inject a few 'why are u even here?' and 'u should just go' etc, standing behind jenna like a bodyguard haha. ally walks outside, but get this- doesnt leave. comes back inside. the nerve!

so jenna gives her a piece of her mind again,as do i, when jenna isnt ranting. i think eventually she left.

but man, it was like jerry springer in there! wow. u know, i dont think ive ever been that confrontational before.

dont get me wrong- im not really a bitchy kind of person. but if someone does something wrong by one of my friends? man, i will be all over that. and this girl was trying to deny she knew they were an item, that it was the bf going for her- when multiple sources said otherwise!

some people just dig a hole.

poor jenna.

her ex bf doesnt deserve her, i hope she realises that now.

parents drive me crazyyyy

me and my parents dont usually fight.
i thinkits because they live a fair way away so we get more than enough space from eachother.
but right now, even though they are 5 hours away- driving me UP THE WALL.
usually they are laidback about everything, dont intefere in anything etc.
and because they are so stressed about the drought they are acting irrationally! bf and me even had a fight last night because of them, getting angry at me (and inadvertently him) for something, can u believe that?!
i mean, seriously- my parents would NEVER get angry at someone like that (bf), or involve him in stuff.
its weird and i dont like dealing with it
i dont really like dealing with anything that upsets me really..
haha

sad news..

i have some bad news.

see the dog that i posted pictures of below?

yes, well i found out today that he died, a few days ago.

see he was living with my dad (dad loved him too much to give him back!) on our farm, and dad ran him over, as tends to happen on the farm. ive found so many dogs have short life spans there, because there are so many things- utes, snakes, rat poison etc.....i just didnt think he would die, of course it was an accident but i thought he was smart to stay out of the way but obviously not.

i feel really sad because he was such a great dog. he really had a personality you know? not just like other dogs, he would do the funniest (and naughtiest) things. like i would open the gate,

and before i knew it he took off downt eh street (once at nighttime!). then he would stop, look at me, and wait till i got just close enough...then take off again. this went on all the way down the street and i was SO MAD by the end!

or how i would go to work all day and i would come home to find him perched on a box leaning over the fence waiting for me.

i havent seen him much in the past months,  after he moved back to the farm, but my dad used to send me pictures on my phone of him on the porch, or muddy and dirty after playing in the dam and such.

i feel really upset because he was so great, and this is the second dog ive lost to such circumstances in the space of 3 years, its almost like im getting used to it which isnt good.

however i feel more sorry for dad- i dont know if he was the one who accidently did it (i didnt want to know details) but he loved him so much, and i know how upset he is feeling.

the worst thing is- they didnt even tell me! i only found out today because they wanted to wait until they got down here to tell me in person. but i went over to my grandmas today to visit and she said 'im sorry about the white dog, your dad was so upset' and i thought...thats weird...nobody said anything to me...i thought she was talking about my old dog- (she gets so confused and stuff nowadays). but just to be sure i called dad and he had to tell me- he told her not to say anything to me but obviously she forgot.

anyway, i was supposed to be getting a puppy for christmas for the bf. i thought the puppy and my other dog could be friends and play together but i guess not now...

anyway just thought id let that out here.

its funny when something/someone dies- all u can talk about is all the things they used to do. the bf came home from work when i called him, and all i wanted to talk about was what he (dog) did this time, or that time, its like you just want to grab every memory you have of them and keep them, like they are still there.

some really really important stuff

living with the bf is going great. well to be honest, its not much different from before, we still spent every night together before anyway. but its our house, all my stuff is in one place, more freedom with no housemate. its nice cooking together and everything more as well, since we always used to eat out for some reason.
there is one thing though, that is just bugging me out.
we dont have a dishwasher- fair enough, its only two of us and its best we dont to save water.
but he has a problem doing dishes. AGH.
we are sposed to take it in turns, fair right?
well, apparently not.
i do my turn fine, but he doesnt do them. until they pile up, and up, and u cant see anything but for dirty dishes. then i say- bf can u please do these?
'no i dont want to. ill do them tomorrow'.
and so it goes on, until eventually i get so frustrated (or someone is coming round and i have to) that i do them. and he KNOWS i will do them.
and i would refuse until he had to- but then if someone comes over, how embarrasing it that to have them there?!
ok granted- he has never had to do dishes, what with there was a dishwasher at his house before. but nevertheless its not that hard to LEARN. and adjust to have to do them...
it is infuriating! how do i force him to do them, without sounding like a nag?

silly me

ive been thinking...why was i so stupid to name my blog little20yearold? 

1. its a lame name

2. what will i do when i turn 21? duh. 

so close i can almost taste it..

so I've basically been a hermit for the last month or so while trying to finish assignments and study for exams.

my last one is tomorrow, but its a doozy :(. property law.....

its seriously made me consider getting rid of rights posessions and land...living in some utopian society where nobody does anything bad and everyone lives together...haha, then at least it would make my degree a lot easier!

i guess i would have one at all...

anyway regardless...i can WAIT till this time tomorrow- i will have a glass (or two) wine in my hand, out on the town! (what town..haha)

and im FREE for a summer! no assignments, studying, opening any law or history book...i cant wait.

that is all

stuff

hahaha ok so i totally added seth on facebook. this story is great, im so glad it hasn't ended yet! i LOVE that he has a blog....

ahh such actitivies are great from distracting me from what i really should be doing....property law...the worst. yuk.

i did go see a movie last night as a break though, death race (bf's choice) i thought it was cool though! jason stratham...is intense. i cant work out if he is hot or just scary..

dog stuff

this is my dog, who now lives on the farm with my dad (he kidnapped him)
This is him and my old dog (who died a few years ago). they really want to get outside and play hahai miss having a dog so much. every time i see one, i smile and feel happy, all i want is a little puppy to take for walks and wash and talk to when im by myself (haha), to grow into a big dog that is always happy to see me. i miss my dog! (but i cant take him back..dad loves him too much, and on a farm he is able to run and chase ducks and its basically dog heaven- how can i rip him out of that?)

romeo and juliet

i'm not very good at studying. i don't have some 'study space' where i can sit down and realllly concentrate. actually, i think i pretty much do all i can to pretend im NOT studying. i sit on the couch, with papers and books surrounding me in a big mess, often while the tv is on. so i can watch and write at the same time, productive no? i figure it works out ok for me...i mean a couple of years ago back in year 12, final year of school, i used to sit on the computer with music talking to people on msn, and i managed a damn good mark, so i guess it works for me.

anyway so good ol foxtel, im basically watching movies all day. and the other night it was romeo and juliet (leo in his VERY hot days).

this movie got me thinking, and also a bit emotional.

is it possible to love someone like that? its such a nice idea...and while its tragic romeo and juliet died like that, maybe it worked better for them- for that instant, consuming love to be immortilised......before the every day life, the mundane, before they just simply got used to each other being around.

oh it still would have been fantastic im sure, but with such intense feeelings- cant you imagine them having some MASSIVE blown up fights? i mean, where the hell do they go for christmas lunch- their families are enemies!

whoops, i didnt mean to make a joke.

i just think it is so amazing to think that something like that can occur between two people- my favourite scene, with the fish tank- that they can just look at each other and just know.

i dont wish for that with the bf. i am perfectly happy with the love we have. it needs to be normal, otherwise how could i get any uni work done? id be sitting around writing poetry about him all day!

procrastination...no sleep...

its ten to 2 in the morning. i should be asleep. i have to go be at work at nine tomorrow! agh. but im not sleepy, so im on computer, so i should be doing work at least, like my assignment about the review of the productivity commission's report on unfair terms in contracts. sound like fun? yeah no, see why im not doing it.

anyway, bf is up at office finishing stuff, videos, or something.

i have realised i have felt quite irritated towards him lately. now, some of this has been in reason, but a lot...i dont know. im not sure how to explain this, but i came to some sort of realisation today about myself that i didnt really like that much.

i read this article a couple of weeks ago and some of it really stuck with me- actually it has helped me deal with people a lot better.

we are all, essentially selfish. not always in a bad way- simply that we cant NOT be selfish, because our view of the world is our own- whether we try or not, everything does revolve around us because we literally are, the centre of our own world. everything is from out perspective, whether it is seeing, feeling, hearing or thinking. 

while some people do this better than others, mostly, it is about us.

and i have realised, that i am more selfish than i should be, particuarly in relation to bf.

for 1, its always about me. i mean, you know, how this or that impacts on me, i do try and see it from his point of view but usually it comes back to me.

also, (this sounds very umm...corny, but try not to see it that way)- i think he thinks of us as kind of 'a team'. ie, like his stuff is mine, etc, etc. do i think this way? no! mine is mine. and if i happen to do all this stuff for him one week and he doesnt, i feel resentful. but if he is doing it for me? A ok.

not cool of me, i know.

i guess i have to learn to be part of the team. and be more unselfish towards him. 

its just hard when u are the centre of your own universe haha

one word repeated over and over again

one of the things i love about bf:

he tells me im funny. he says im the funniest person he knows.

the thing is, im not really that funny, no more than the next person. i can be sightly humorous at times- but the things he laughs at, i think he finds them hilarious cos its me...most other people wouldnt like.

but he finds me funny, thats what i like.

i said the word funny many times just then. now its sounding weird to me. say it over and over and see what i mean...funny..funny.funny...

woah

ps. one thing that ANNOYS THE HELL OUT ME about him? bailing on me when we were supposed to do something cos he has to do work....grrrr

arguments and resolving them

after the bf and i had a minor disagreement today, it got me thinking. i know people go on about compromise etc when you are working together blablabla.

but what it, you are coming from two completely different viewpoints, and well...there isnt really a compromise, it is just one way or the other. does someone always have to give in? and dont they feel a bit resentful and annoyed after - is it still completely solved?

 

bf is quite stubborn- and he doesnt like apologising unless he realllly thinks he has done something wrong.

i just wonder how people successfully resolve arguments i guess- when you both think you are right, i guess, do u just leave it and move on?

 

i rang my mum and said "mum, how do you and dad resolve arguments?"

she said  (and this made me laugh)

' well usually i go away and sulk, until eventually he comes in and sorts it out (ie. talk about it, etc). i said well thats just great mum! haha.

now i know where i have got my sulking tendencies from...

end of the weeked

i was having a think and looking over some of the posts i have written, and then at my picture, and my 'about me' picture and i thought damn...anyone who even slightly knows me, would easily guess it was me. the picture is of my home town, and that cartoon has been my fb profile at one time!

i knows its kinda lame but i definitely want to be anonymous. there is no way i want my inner worries, anger, happiness and just randomness being available for people i know to read....especially bf. how could i freely talk about him the way i do here? most of the time we are great, so if i let out some irritation on here just to get it out, its harmless. if he read it, i know he would be very hurt. if i sound like we dont communicate, we do. i just like saying all the stuff that girls get a little crazy irrational and insecure about on here, that i KNOW most of the time guys dont get. 

also- bitching about his ex gf. as much as i dislike the girl, i would not want her to know this. i would hate to think she has ower over me by knowing i am insecure about her. so when i see her i smile and say hello and act perfectly normal, while really i just dont. like. her. 

so ive changed my header. i dont actually live on the great ocean road, but i love the 12 apostles and think it is just such a lovely scene. and that picture i got for my about me....i am definitely not as pretty as the cartoon girl, and i dont often wear red lipstick or a flower in my hair, but hell she has dark hair- thats good enough for me. maybe she'll inspire me to wear more flowers and red lipstick, you never know.

in other news- all moved out, unpacking going well- of course bf got a bit overexcited though and bought a HUGE tv with money neither of us really have, but i couldnt stop him. we are trying to make it look quite nice even despite the ummm how do i say 'dated' decor. the more i change though the better it looks.

now if only i could rid of this damn flu/cold/ fever i have! go away go away go away

la la la

so i usually dont go on about when im happy, more so when im sad.

i think its because im scared things might go wrong, so to go on and on about how great it is- kind of like tempting the devil (for want of a better analogy...all i could think of!)

i think i also get scared that when something goes wrong, i look like an idiot because just before i had been so happy, and now i look silly.

but to hell with it.

i am SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

i have a house! something i thought i'd be stressing about for a lot longer yet. and its a great house. and its with someone i really love. things between us are so great right now. im so excited about moving in with him.

and while there was a funny period while he got used to working for himself- its so much better now! he is just not stressed, tired, grumpy- he can do things he couldnt before. like today we went down to the beach for lunch. 

and we are going on a holiday! yes, the thing i used to complain about so often because he wouldnt do it...well, we are, in february- a while away, but thats good because i need to save money.

anyway, so maybe in a couple of days i might be annoyed at him for one reason or another...but im pretty sure it will be nothing, and for now i am just in love.

oh yuk that sounds so sappy. 

i do have one thing im not looking forward to...my friends 21st. it involves me making a speech. i DONT LIKE TRYING TO BE FUNNY IN PUBLIC. especially because well, she isnt that funny a person. i am very very scared

ex girlfriends and such

i swear the bf's ex is a freak.

ever since we have been together, there has been a longggg history of her being a weirdo and not being able to get over it, but honestly, so much has happened i cant even be bothered to go in it, it all sounds crazy.

while i didnt doubt his love for me due to her, she has managed to say things to me that made me feel soooo insecure about them...ie. going on about how they were first love (they went out for about 3 years) and just contacting him in ways that were in appropriate (i thought)

we have had ups and downs but are apparently fine now.

but one thing- at one point he deleted her off fb at one point for a reason, but now they are on reasonably good terms again (albeit he doesnt really have a wish to have contact with her). 

however, now they are back on good terms- she has tried to add him about 4 TIMES!

ridiculous.

why does she want to be friends with him sooooo badly?

she also used to put as her status updates things i knew related to him....like '... is thinking of him, how hes gone..' and '... remembers this day all too well' (a year ago on that day they broke up) jeeez give me a break. 

i mean we have been together almost 18 months now. we are moving in together. GET OVER IT. why do people feel the need so badly to be friends with their ex's? not necessarily get them back (i pretty sure she doesnt want this) but just to have contact- i get that they spent a long time together and obviously it impacted on both of them.

but if he has made it clear in the past that while being polite and friendly, he has no interest in some great friendship- WHY DOES SHE PERSIST LIKE THIS?

does she need contact with her ex that bad? or am i being not so understanding? she makes me very very uncomfortable.

anyway she has added him again (for about the 5th time) i guess this time he will add her on....

well i cant do much about it.

but it still bloody annoys me!

UPDATE

i happened to be there when he checked it and he said 'i dont want to be friends with her?'

'ignore'.

HA. i still dont understand her though. i almost feel a little sorry for her?

relief

phew, bf likes the house.

having checked it out again i can say it wa slightly different to how i remember...very retro kind of decor, like oldish kitchen and the wallpaper...hmmm. carpet iffy as well- but we can cover that. and its so BIG. i completely forgot about one of the rooms! so big. anyway he says its cool, and is excited, so i can kinda breathe a sigh of relief and

work on making it look lovely and nice and homely.

so it a good day today.

not so good? i am getting strange chest pains and they are bloody painful...im so confused cos its not indigestion...and im only 20..surely im not having a heart attack?!

i want them to go away so i dont have to go to the doctor! agh

we got a house...yay?

so i found a house. YAY. we got the application. YAY. 

only problem is....bf hasnt seen it yet.

well see, the inspection was on when he couldnt (well he was being lazy) come. so he said 'u go, i trust your judgement'. so i went.

it was close to his work, tick. close to bus for uni for me, tick. big enough so my family could come stay, tick. wasnt a unit, but a house, tick. 

only thing is, its not exactly modern....kinda old fashioned, you know with the fugly carpets etc.

but i was like wat the hell, of course i will put in an application, for how big it is i couldnt not.

and he agreed and filled it out, having not seen it.

and then we got it! which was a bit of a shock.

and he is seeing it tomorrow, but i am SCARED he will hate it because its not modern and all, and he has high expectations (he hasnt ever rented before- therefore DOESNT UNDERSTAND 1. that you kind of have to take what u can get and 2. the likelihood of someone picking 2 people under 25 is LOW and 3. the fact its not a unit? genious.)

so he is like hmm i hope itsok what if i dont like it blablabla....

if he doesnt like it, then it will be a disaster!!! cos i had to sign the lease and everything, so then we'd have to break it before we even moved in, my worst nightmare...

i think he will like it. but it would also annoy me if he complained- because he made ME go to the inspection and agreed to sign the forms...

i know i know, i should have got him to see it first- but i had no time, there was only one inspection, i just had to go for it.

anyway...just have to wait and see tomorrow...wish me luck...

if he does like it we move in in two weeks!

if he doesnt...DISASTER i dont want to break the lease or him get angry.. i feel nervous!

agh

im so tired and grumpy. 

i finished that other property assignment last week, that was bad enough.

but now its 2 in the morning, im writing an essay on french history (1850-1865 to be precise) 

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP

my essay is suffering because i dont want to do it anymore...

and all the books i got for it are wrong, so no idea where to find references.

AGHHHHHH

i just want to go to bed. 

i cant wait until this semester is over....it feels soooooo long away

ice-cream stress

so im having an icecream- stress day*

what is this, you ask? 

well, its when everything is going wrong, and you are stressed.

but the reasons you are stressed, really you should just feel lucky and grateful. having a hard time feeling these things- so if i write them i think ill feel guilty enough to get in a good mood!

stress

= i have a dinner to go to tonight which is sure to take a while AND

i have property law assignment due tomorrow- no idea how to do it, am stuck, completely lost and dont want to fail. how am i going to finish it before tomorrow if im tied up tonight? aghh i dont even know how to finish it.

= i also have a french essay due next week (i dont actually speak or know french, its history) was able to check my plan and the lady said it was 'flowery'. thanks buddy. not sure when ill get the time to do that either.

= i was supposed to go to the gym this morning and just didnt get out of bed. now i wish i had gone to the gym.

= i went into town (where uni is) and had to park in a car park as there were no spaces around university. this sucks in itself. but then i also missed a person coming out of a park, went the wrong way up a ramp and then had to go to the top level. then when i came to come home, i went to the wrong floor and had to walk up. 

= my friend tom had to bail on lunch and i really was looking forward to lunch with him.

= i was planning to stay at uni to work but got a call from the washing machine guy coming to fix my washing machine saying he would be there in 1/2 hour. i rushed home (oh he still isnt here). now i have to go back in and find ANOTHER car park.

= i havent bought any clothes for ages, months even, trying to save money, and i havent saved that much because im not working much. i want summer clothes dammit!

= im trying to organise a passport, not really happening, i cant BELIEVE how many forms etc you need.

= i need my hair dyed and when the hell am i going to do that

= i need to find a house to live

= i need to find a house to live

(just needed to stress that stress)

ok....now for the ice cream..

- i am lucky i can GO to uni and get a degree, especially a law one

- the lady said my essay would be good and i had some good points (just need to work on it)

- i am lucky i have a car to park in a car park

- i am lucky i have a washing machine that needs to be fixed

- i should be glad i have friends that want me round to dinner and lunch

- i am lucky to have someone who wants to find a house with me, and that i have the money to pay rent for a house

- its pretty good i even have a gym membership

- im trying to organise a passport. that means im GOING SOMEWHERE. overseas. vietnam!!!!

wellllll ok now im feeling all a bit bad. still stressed about property i cant lie. but you know, i have it pretty damn good.

*icecream stress is a word i just made up cos i like the sound of it. and i like icecream. it sounds like a good stress to me

rental stupidness

i am now searching for a house that bf and i are going to live in.

things are going really well with us lately. (touchwood?) we have settled into a much better routine now he has his own office to work in and i just go home during the day! he is so much better tempered now he is not so tired all the time. and he even said he would come on a holiday with me at the end of the year. even if he tries to back out ill just buy the tickets. ha! how evil am i. but i was going to get it for christmas so really, its a nice gesture. see how it goes. anyway i have other plans, going to vietnam with my dad in february, so really if he falls through no big deal.

anyway. the house. man, i hate renting. well i dont hate renting, i hate trying to FIND a house.

seriously, there is no point in even going to the rental open inspections where they have got an agent to do it for them. 

if your under the age of 25, and are at uni, then your dead meat, people just dont want you. i mean i cant influence people's minds but it is so unfair!!!! honestly, i know some people are party animals. but i'm not. my parents help pay my rent and the bf has a pretty good income with his business and all. i dont even think half of them read the whole thing (part about the parents paying). they just see the age, and occupation. 

i even include a letter from my employer. no dice.

i really think the only way is to go to the ones advertised on saturday in the newspaper, at least sometimes they are private and you get to meet the people and all- then you have a chance to show how nice and normal you are!

(well i think im nice and normal)

aghhh i will just be so relieved when (if?) we get a house.