ex girlfriends and such

i swear the bf's ex is a freak.

ever since we have been together, there has been a longggg history of her being a weirdo and not being able to get over it, but honestly, so much has happened i cant even be bothered to go in it, it all sounds crazy.

while i didnt doubt his love for me due to her, she has managed to say things to me that made me feel soooo insecure about them...ie. going on about how they were first love (they went out for about 3 years) and just contacting him in ways that were in appropriate (i thought)

we have had ups and downs but are apparently fine now.

but one thing- at one point he deleted her off fb at one point for a reason, but now they are on reasonably good terms again (albeit he doesnt really have a wish to have contact with her). 

however, now they are back on good terms- she has tried to add him about 4 TIMES!

ridiculous.

why does she want to be friends with him sooooo badly?

she also used to put as her status updates things i knew related to him....like '... is thinking of him, how hes gone..' and '... remembers this day all too well' (a year ago on that day they broke up) jeeez give me a break. 

i mean we have been together almost 18 months now. we are moving in together. GET OVER IT. why do people feel the need so badly to be friends with their ex's? not necessarily get them back (i pretty sure she doesnt want this) but just to have contact- i get that they spent a long time together and obviously it impacted on both of them.

but if he has made it clear in the past that while being polite and friendly, he has no interest in some great friendship- WHY DOES SHE PERSIST LIKE THIS?

does she need contact with her ex that bad? or am i being not so understanding? she makes me very very uncomfortable.

anyway she has added him again (for about the 5th time) i guess this time he will add her on....

well i cant do much about it.

but it still bloody annoys me!

UPDATE

i happened to be there when he checked it and he said 'i dont want to be friends with her?'

'ignore'.

HA. i still dont understand her though. i almost feel a little sorry for her?

relief

phew, bf likes the house.

having checked it out again i can say it wa slightly different to how i remember...very retro kind of decor, like oldish kitchen and the wallpaper...hmmm. carpet iffy as well- but we can cover that. and its so BIG. i completely forgot about one of the rooms! so big. anyway he says its cool, and is excited, so i can kinda breathe a sigh of relief and

work on making it look lovely and nice and homely.

so it a good day today.

not so good? i am getting strange chest pains and they are bloody painful...im so confused cos its not indigestion...and im only 20..surely im not having a heart attack?!

i want them to go away so i dont have to go to the doctor! agh

we got a house...yay?

so i found a house. YAY. we got the application. YAY. 

only problem is....bf hasnt seen it yet.

well see, the inspection was on when he couldnt (well he was being lazy) come. so he said 'u go, i trust your judgement'. so i went.

it was close to his work, tick. close to bus for uni for me, tick. big enough so my family could come stay, tick. wasnt a unit, but a house, tick. 

only thing is, its not exactly modern....kinda old fashioned, you know with the fugly carpets etc.

but i was like wat the hell, of course i will put in an application, for how big it is i couldnt not.

and he agreed and filled it out, having not seen it.

and then we got it! which was a bit of a shock.

and he is seeing it tomorrow, but i am SCARED he will hate it because its not modern and all, and he has high expectations (he hasnt ever rented before- therefore DOESNT UNDERSTAND 1. that you kind of have to take what u can get and 2. the likelihood of someone picking 2 people under 25 is LOW and 3. the fact its not a unit? genious.)

so he is like hmm i hope itsok what if i dont like it blablabla....

if he doesnt like it, then it will be a disaster!!! cos i had to sign the lease and everything, so then we'd have to break it before we even moved in, my worst nightmare...

i think he will like it. but it would also annoy me if he complained- because he made ME go to the inspection and agreed to sign the forms...

i know i know, i should have got him to see it first- but i had no time, there was only one inspection, i just had to go for it.

anyway...just have to wait and see tomorrow...wish me luck...

if he does like it we move in in two weeks!

if he doesnt...DISASTER i dont want to break the lease or him get angry.. i feel nervous!

agh

im so tired and grumpy. 

i finished that other property assignment last week, that was bad enough.

but now its 2 in the morning, im writing an essay on french history (1850-1865 to be precise) 

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP

my essay is suffering because i dont want to do it anymore...

and all the books i got for it are wrong, so no idea where to find references.

AGHHHHHH

i just want to go to bed. 

i cant wait until this semester is over....it feels soooooo long away

ice-cream stress

so im having an icecream- stress day*

what is this, you ask? 

well, its when everything is going wrong, and you are stressed.

but the reasons you are stressed, really you should just feel lucky and grateful. having a hard time feeling these things- so if i write them i think ill feel guilty enough to get in a good mood!

stress

= i have a dinner to go to tonight which is sure to take a while AND

i have property law assignment due tomorrow- no idea how to do it, am stuck, completely lost and dont want to fail. how am i going to finish it before tomorrow if im tied up tonight? aghh i dont even know how to finish it.

= i also have a french essay due next week (i dont actually speak or know french, its history) was able to check my plan and the lady said it was 'flowery'. thanks buddy. not sure when ill get the time to do that either.

= i was supposed to go to the gym this morning and just didnt get out of bed. now i wish i had gone to the gym.

= i went into town (where uni is) and had to park in a car park as there were no spaces around university. this sucks in itself. but then i also missed a person coming out of a park, went the wrong way up a ramp and then had to go to the top level. then when i came to come home, i went to the wrong floor and had to walk up. 

= my friend tom had to bail on lunch and i really was looking forward to lunch with him.

= i was planning to stay at uni to work but got a call from the washing machine guy coming to fix my washing machine saying he would be there in 1/2 hour. i rushed home (oh he still isnt here). now i have to go back in and find ANOTHER car park.

= i havent bought any clothes for ages, months even, trying to save money, and i havent saved that much because im not working much. i want summer clothes dammit!

= im trying to organise a passport, not really happening, i cant BELIEVE how many forms etc you need.

= i need my hair dyed and when the hell am i going to do that

= i need to find a house to live

= i need to find a house to live

(just needed to stress that stress)

ok....now for the ice cream..

- i am lucky i can GO to uni and get a degree, especially a law one

- the lady said my essay would be good and i had some good points (just need to work on it)

- i am lucky i have a car to park in a car park

- i am lucky i have a washing machine that needs to be fixed

- i should be glad i have friends that want me round to dinner and lunch

- i am lucky to have someone who wants to find a house with me, and that i have the money to pay rent for a house

- its pretty good i even have a gym membership

- im trying to organise a passport. that means im GOING SOMEWHERE. overseas. vietnam!!!!

wellllll ok now im feeling all a bit bad. still stressed about property i cant lie. but you know, i have it pretty damn good.

*icecream stress is a word i just made up cos i like the sound of it. and i like icecream. it sounds like a good stress to me

rental stupidness

i am now searching for a house that bf and i are going to live in.

things are going really well with us lately. (touchwood?) we have settled into a much better routine now he has his own office to work in and i just go home during the day! he is so much better tempered now he is not so tired all the time. and he even said he would come on a holiday with me at the end of the year. even if he tries to back out ill just buy the tickets. ha! how evil am i. but i was going to get it for christmas so really, its a nice gesture. see how it goes. anyway i have other plans, going to vietnam with my dad in february, so really if he falls through no big deal.

anyway. the house. man, i hate renting. well i dont hate renting, i hate trying to FIND a house.

seriously, there is no point in even going to the rental open inspections where they have got an agent to do it for them. 

if your under the age of 25, and are at uni, then your dead meat, people just dont want you. i mean i cant influence people's minds but it is so unfair!!!! honestly, i know some people are party animals. but i'm not. my parents help pay my rent and the bf has a pretty good income with his business and all. i dont even think half of them read the whole thing (part about the parents paying). they just see the age, and occupation. 

i even include a letter from my employer. no dice.

i really think the only way is to go to the ones advertised on saturday in the newspaper, at least sometimes they are private and you get to meet the people and all- then you have a chance to show how nice and normal you are!

(well i think im nice and normal)

aghhh i will just be so relieved when (if?) we get a house.

music..makes the people..come together- or maybe not?

i have nothing against the people that go and see bands in small dingy pubs. i applaud them for making the effort to find out about these unsigned singers and musicians, who one day might make it big but you never know. To go and see them and really listen to their music and appreciate it even though they are probably one of about a hundred who actually know the band exists. 

or perhaps those people who are around my age, and their friends are in a band. there are about 5 or 6 of these bands around at the moment in my city i see, and they kind of rotate around playing at the same places. and those people go every week to support them. good on you. 

or perhaps those people who are just generally into slightly alternative music and bands that are 'cool' but not necessarily ridiculously popular, and they buy the whole album and listen to every song over and over until they *get it* the vibe, the band, the whole thing. they know the names of the band members, they know where they came from and if they ever come to your home town, (or even country) they will buy a ticket a see them.

i think this is all wonderful that people make these efforts in the name of music.

what does PISS ME OFF. is when people like this don't respect those who like music that, well, cant be known as anything but 'popular'. 

when they think they are better than anybody else and look down on those who don't know the bands they are talking about, and if you like something on the Top 40 then god forbid!!

seriously? just enjoy your music that you like, i have no problem with you- don't have one with me!

i will happily admit- yes, sometimes i hear a song that is not well known, and i like it. i loveee bands like the kooks and snow patrol that I'm sure started out very small-like. 

but generally those bands made up of mostly boys with names like 'skye city' or 'golden bridges' ok i made those up!) just don't interest me, i think most of their songs sound the same and not really interesting to me. 

i am proud to like the popular songs. why not, mostly they are well produced and i get a kick out of them. i like U2, i love rihanna and chris brown, and neyo. i like u2 and kylie minogue and sometimes i like delta, and bon jovi. i like the beatles and queen and i also like coldplay and kanye and sometime the pussycat dolls. 

and its very often i will like just one song from someone and i like it cos i hear it on the radio and it makes me happy.

this doesnt mean i am music- dumb! i am not stupider for liking popular music (i don't think).

it really annoys me that people think they are better than me because they are 'alternative'. maybe im alternative for not being alternative, so there.

and u know what? michael bolton rocks my world!!!

the ballgame

take me out to the ballgame...

ok so i know this is an american saying for baseball right, but surely i can apply it to AFL (Australian Rules Football). i think i read it in an archie comic one time (i was obsessed with archie comics in year 7) where archie took veronica to the ballpark, and convinced her to love it. but then he went off to swap baseball cards and she got all mad again. wow i read a lot of those comics.

ANYWAY. so today i went to my first live football match. i know i know nobody i told could believe it...but well coming from a farm means i didn't do those things when i was little, and when i moved up here none of my friends were really into football in a big way, so going to the football wasnt a big priority. but today was an elimination final with mine and the bf's team in it, and he LOVES football (who wouldve thought, a boy who loves football)....so i wanted to go see it live. 

and it was great!!! its so different from TV. the oval looked a whole lot smaller. but the atmosphere was so fun. it was a beautiful sunny day, and everyone was excited and screaming and yelling, the bf lost his voice for a while.

AFL is a lot lot different from american football. well for one the uniform- the boys here where singlets and pretty small shorts...never too hard to watch. i cant really be bothered explaining the whole thing suffice to say its different. anyway, it was a tight game but we lost :(. 

it occurred to me and the bf while walking in how important to some people AFL is. i mean, its literally their life in winter. every weekend, head to the footy, maybe go interstate to see away matches- it is the most important thing for them. don't get me wrong, im not saying its bad but its just strange seeing a sport take over someones life..completely. i enjoy a bit of football...but it isnt everything!

was so nice being out in the sun. but at the same time, while it is spring i hope we have more rain. my farm NEEDS IT BAD. as does the rest of the country.

drought sucks!

ps. i just readmy below post. just might add- im not planning on getting pregnant ANYTIME soon if it sounded like that haha. i guess i mean in some amount of years when i might want to. and i did go on about bronzer. no idea why. its really not that important!!

about me

some things about me
- i have very dark hair. but it is not my natural colour, at all. i hate my natural hair colour and NEVER plan to go back, ever since i started dyeing my hair in year 9 or so. i feel very ugly about that hair colour and what i would look like with it, i wouldnt be me. not sure if ill dye my hair when (hopefully) one day i am pregnant..could cause a problem.
-i also have freckles on my face, but tend to tan (with a lot of sun exposure) on other areas of my body, except my chest. my chest is IMPOSSIBLE to colour, unless i have fake tan and bronzer. i use both of these to colour myself up and in summer cos i dont want to get skin cancer.

- i think of different seasons wistfully when i am in the other. dont get me wrong, i enjoy winter and summer while experiencing them. but there is never a time i think more highly of summer than in winter, and vice versa. i guess in my city its because in winter, its pretty damn cold (well not snow cold but cold enough) and in summer it is BLOODY HOT. australian hot.
so there are only a few months in between i get the best of both. at the moment spring has just started, and dont u just loveeeee spring....clear and fresh but not with that stifling heat.
anyway im getting away with myself.

- i dont think i am very good at blogging. i write too much, its not that interesting (except maybe to me) and i go on and on. really. i dont think many people read it. but i dont mind actually. cos the thing is, i see this as a diary. an online diary sure, but a diary nevertheless, that i can look back on and laugh and shake my head at myself for being silly (or wise?). i used to have a diary in year 7...oh the things i used to write EVERY DAY. i looked at it again about 3 years later and it was priceless! that is what i am planning to do with this blog. i will save it all and archive it one day to look and see how me and the bf turned out, or what was going down with me.

- i am amazed at the amount of traffic some people get on their blogs. 100 comments for some posts it is astounding. i am only just beginning to realise there is some kind of blog hierarchy, ie some BIG NAME bloggers, then smaller, then tiny, then miniscule (me!).

- i idolise my father. i know he's not perfect, but to me that makes him perfect. i love him so much. i love my mum too, but i dont look at her with the same admiration as my dad. it is nothing bad to her, im just a dad's girl. i can also twist him around my little finger. we are planning to go travelling this summer to Vietnam, i cant wait!!!

- while i love my friends i sometimes wish my friendship group was different. that we were closer, or more in tune with eachother...i cant explain, but sometimes i look at other people's friends with envy. i wish i had more varied and different friends, because i end up depending on the bf too much than lots and lots of people. well hopefully i will make some more soon but not sure where.

- i am moving in with the bf in november. i know we (i?) have had issues but everything is going pretty good at the moment. and i know im young etc etc, but ive been living out of home for 2 years now, its just normal for me. and he needs to get out of his family house. it makes sense to be together when we are practically living together now, just at his place (and occasionally at mine). i figure we will learn a lot of lessons about what, life, eachother, etc. and if it doesnt work out, i wont regret it, and we will go out seperate ways. i am excited. but at the same time i know how my friends may feel (*and my mum!) so i am keeping it low key as possible and down playing it more than it is (ie. to mum- "he is paying some rent and will stay here most of the time- but still has a place at his house....." well not actually he wont, but does mum need to know?). We will see how it goes.

- i am trying to go to the gym. i hurt today, deep in my calf muscles. will have to see how long this lasts. hopefully ill get fit.
- ummm ill think of more later, for now its time for lunch!!!