i think ive pinpointed why i feel so funny now that the bf isnt wokring, or as such, is working for himself at home 'self employed'. one is that we dont have that special when we see eachother at the end of the day anymore. hell, ive probably seen him during the day, and when i woke, whereas before it was justa glimpse in the morning and the feel of a kiss on my cheek or forehead. i used to smile and roll over back to sleep. now he is there when i wake up, when i get up, and during the day if i choose it. i hate it. theres not absence to miss, no specialness, we see eachother too much.
no more messages during the day which i used to get sometimes, about how he loved me. COS IM THERE. or im not there, but hes at home, so he doesnt miss me, he is having fun with himself.
thats the worst- at work,boring work, he would think of me and smile and think how much he loved me and how he wanted to be with me, not at work. i know this because he told me.
now, im not sure hes even thinking about me. why would you? hes sitting pretty at his desk or out and about at furniture stores and doing all sorts of exciting stuff.
and now he doesnt go to bed until the earlish hours of the morning, 2 onwards. why? because he can. cos he can sleep in until 12 or 1 or whenever he wants. and i hate it. one of my favourite things used to be going to bed together. now i go to sleep alone, lonely, and when he comes in im too hot from sleep warmth to come close to. and we are snitching and eachother and getting annoyed about general things, especailly issues that recur again and again. it is just a bad time.
it sucks so bad.
i wish he got a job again..but thats the thing- thisis his job, from now on. this is his business tha the is building. and i am supporting it, i guess the grass is just always greener on the other side.
i hope that it all works out in the end, for me and him, because i love him, but this isnt fun.
1 year ago
2 comments:
Too much togetherness breeds discontent, for all the reasons that you mentioned. There must be a solution but I don't know what it is. It sounds like he is becoming emotionally available. present in body but not in heart like he was when he worked out of your home... Sniping usually means a need for space, that little things have become a breeding ground for upset in other areas.
My empathy. I hope you two are able to talk about it and some of the things get resolved. Love is too precious to wither, and it does sound like you two loved/love each-other...
thanks annie. we do love eachother( well i hope he does, not acting like it at the moment but im hoping its just a stage)
i am thinking solution is just for me to get up and go in the morning so it will be similar to before! its a weird time..thanks tho :)
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